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10 Rules for Respect

A communication covenant to help leaders build trust.

Proverbs 25:9–15; Ephesians 4:15–16

These ten rules have transformed the way one church communicates. The rules form a covenant signed each year by all leaders. Mark how well you live by each rule.

 

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1. If I have a problem with another person, I will go to him privately.

 

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2. If someone has a problem with me, I want him to come to me privately and will try to be open when he comes.

 

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3. If someone has a problem with me, and comes to you, send the person to me. (I’ll do the same for you.)

 

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4. If someone hesitates to come to me, say, “Let’s go together. I’m sure he’ll see us about this.” (I’ll do the same for you.)

 

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5. Be careful about how you interpret me—I’d rather do that.

 

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6. I will be careful about how I interpret you.

 

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7. If it’s confidential, I won’t tell. (Unless someone is harming himself or someone else.)

 

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8. I won’t send or pay attention to unsigned letters or notes. Information should always travel with a person’s name so it can be cleared up if necessary.

 

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9. I will not manipulate; I will not be manipulated.

 

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10. When in doubt, I will bring up my concern or question.

 

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Recently two people asked a staff member to tell the pastor about a problem. She said, “I know the pastor would appreciate your telling him yourself. If he doesn’t respond, then we’ll go together.” That afternoon, the members came to my office, and we worked through their concerns. Our communication rules let that staff member communicate her confidence in me. And I was able to strengthen two relationships.

Charles W. Christian

Discuss

1. Which of the above rules do we generally live by? Which do we need to observe more closely?

2. What rules would you suggest we add to this list?

3. How can we improve our communication as leaders?

From Building Church Leaders, published by Leadership Resources © 2000 Christianity Today Intl                                                               page 6
www.BuildingChurchLeaders.com

© Viv Grigg & Urban Leadership Foundationand other materials © by various contributors & Urban Leadership Foundation,  for The Encarnacao Training Commission.  Last modified: July 2010